Author's Statement
The biggest revision was between my initial and second draft. I completely erased the first the paragraphs, which was my introduction, and the last two paragraphs, my conclusion. I had initially focused my context on the Rwandan genocide and decided to change that to the poverty in Rwanda. So I did new research and wrote a new four paragraph introduction before even touching revisions in the body. This did not affect my main argument, just how the argument related to the context was changed.
Between the initial draft and the final, the ordering of the paragraphs was changed many times. I decided to make my first paragraph in the paper about the coloration of the photo because it sets the mood for the photograph, and many of the further arguments related back to that. The second paragraph's topic is lighting because it touched on some similar ideas that were in the coloration paragraph. Following this I put the paragraph about vectors of attention because the last thing I talked about in the lighting paragraph was where it put the focus, and vectors of attention cause focus as well. I left the framing paragraph for last because it makes some broad statements that I could tie to my conclusion. For instance it says "The immense amount of gray in the unending sky mirrors the boys’ lives, including the grim circumstances in their past that also haunt their future" and "The child just walking in to the picture creates an idea that the number of children the situation in Rwanda affects is increasing".
Deciding which paragraphs flowed from one to another was a struggle while writing this paper. It was difficult picking the topic that made the best sense to follow the previous paragraph. On top of that, I needed to work on making the transitions smoother. To do this I tried to tie my introduction sentence in a paragraph to the concluding sentence in the following paragraph. For example, the concluding sentence of the natural lighting paragraph is "In this sense, the natural lighting enhances the gray hues, and establishes a focus on the background.", and the introduction for the following paragraph says "This focus in enhanced by the vectors of attention." I did not have these sort of transitional sentences in my first paragraph, so it did not flow as well.
Within the body paragraphs I reread it many times making various grammatical adjustments. A key idea I added with in the argument was to explain how the feeling of sympathy was evoked. In my original draft I would simply say this evokes sympathy and leave it at that. Now I have added at least a sentence after these statements to explain why it is evoking sympathy and not another feeling.
My conclusion needed a lot of work. As I said before, the first conclusion was completely scraped when I changed my topic of context. But also my original conclusion did not answer the "so what?" aspect. So when I rewrote my conclusion I made sure to cover this, so my readers have something to take away from my paper. My original restating of the thesis, was one long confusing run on sentence. It said "The overwhelming gray hues, the use of natural lighting and vectors of attention focusing on the gray sky, the boys’ activity compared to expectations, the framing and cropping, displaying a relationship with the photograph and the reality, all in “Sitting on Rail”, plus the contradiction to the expectations of photographs with children, make appeals to pathos and logos." So in my final draft I tried to restate it more clearly. Not only did I want to sum up what I had said, but also show how it was all related.
This writing process, was exhausting and intense but helped me to look at my writing from every angle. Working with it, and then leaving it for a day or so, and coming back was very helpful. Without these peer-reviews though, I would not have been inclined to come back to it. It was nice having someone else give some advice and tell you where exactly you could improve your project. I know, thanks to the proces,s I am turning in a better final draft than my original.
Second Draft
First Draft
Statement of Purpose
Ninety percent of the Rwandan population lives on less than two U.S. dollars per day. Worse than that, fifty percent of the population lives on less than just one U.S. dollar per day (Encyclopedia of the Nations). In other words, Rwanda is a poor country. According to Worldpress.org statistics, seventy percent of the
population lived below the poverty line in Rwanda in 2000. To put this in perspective, according to the same site, in that year the population living below the poverty line in the United States was slightly under thirteen percent.
As a result of the economy the health is an issue as well. The biggest killers in Rwanda are malaria and respiratory diseases, which in developed countries are rarely causes of death. The life expectancy in Rwanda in the year 2000 was thirty nine years. Compared to in the United States where the life expectancy that same year was seventy seven years, this is a tragically low statistic (Worldpress.org). The economy also affects the education available. Unfortunately, many of the teachers are not qualified and are mainly using poor teaching materials, resulting in a high dropout rate and a low literacy rate, reported by Encyclopedia of the Nations.
On top of the grim economy, the country struggles with a painful history and an outstanding rivalry. There is strong division and resulting conflict
between the Hutus and the Tutsis, two ethnic groups in Rwanda, which led to a tragic event in 1994. Eight hundred thousand Rwandans were killed in just one hundred days. The conflict is not ended and the wounds are fresh. They are still segregated and fighting today. This also strained the already bleak economy and left the land, needed for agriculture, damaged.
The photograph "Sitting on Rail" was taken in 2001, at a time when Rwanda did not even have a sewage system and just five years after the genocide. The economy had improved from right after the genocide, but was still at an extreme low. "Sitting on Rail" displays the despair the children of Rwanda have lived with and the resulting loss of hope. The photograph appeals to pathos and logos, by means of coloration, lighting, vectors of attention, and framing to demonstrate this argument. It is not a plea for pity, but for sympathy and help.
Children are often associated with bright and vibrant hues. However, the hues in “Sitting on Rail” consist of a lot of gray. There is gray in the sky, the railing, the cement, and in some of the boys’ clothing. Even the water, which is often shown as blue or green, is gray in this scene. This creates an appeal to pathos for sympathy, because the hue of gray is often connected with sadness or despair. The gray hue makes the viewer feel as if the boys in the photo are experiencing this sadness or despair resulting in sympathy toward them. As an effect, the gray sky provokes a sad, somber feeling that sets the mood for the photograph. There are other hues, in the children’s clothing, like red and green, which are not linked with sadness, even linked with happy, positive feelings, but these hues are not very bright, they are dark and saturated. This results in them having no affect on the viewer’s attention, or changing the effects of the overwhelming gray hues.
The photograph uses natural lighting, which makes the photo look realistic, like it is ordinary and not posed, and reminds the viewer this is a reality for these children. It is another example of an appeal to pathos, to move the viewers to feel sympathy. It evokes sympathy because it demonstrates that the sadness and despair the gray hue relates to, is in fact the emotions that the boys are feeling. If it appeared to be staged at all it would not suggest a strong sense of sympathy in the viewer. The natural lighting also makes the boys and the pathway in the foreground look much darker than the sky and the water in the background, which develops the attention on the gray hues even more. In this sense, the natural lighting enhances the gray hues, and establishes a focus on the background.
This focus in enhanced by the vectors of attention. All the boys are facing away from the camera, making the vectors of attention toward the background. The vectors of attention also make an appeal to pathos, causing the viewer feel as if they are just an onlooker looking at the scene in the photo, not as if they are involved with it. It does not show the boys' faces or expressions, so the audience does not get to feel as if they understand the children or what they are thinking. This provokes sympathy instead of empathy. The sympathy is a result of the boys' posture. They are slumped on to the railing, or on their arms.
Especially in modernized civilizations, people are accustomed to seeing photographs of children at play, interacting with friends, or with a smile on their face. This photograph appeals to logos, using a strong contradiction to the expected. The boys in the pictures are not even interacting with each
other. The children in this photograph are just staring; gazing off into the horizon, thinking or reflecting. This adds to the compassion the viewer feels for these kids and sorrow for the thoughts that burden their minds. Sad children are especially heart wrenching, because children are known for their innocence and the joy they can find in the smallest things. It is often a quality that others are envious of. When that quality is missing, one cannot help but to feel for its loss. This attitude mirrors the sad, somber mood of their surroundings.
Their surroundings are not only gray but vast. Due to the framing of the picture, the sky and the railing look as if they go on for miles. This is because it is taken at an angle. The immense amount of gray in the unending sky mirrors the boys’ lives, including the grim circumstances in their past that also haunt their future. It is cropped to include multiple children who have all had the same experience. The child just walking in to the picture creates an idea that the number of children the situation in Rwanda affects is increasing. The framing of the picture, creating this idea and the unending sky, shows the lack of hope of the people experiencing the economic trouble in Rwanda.
Natural lighting and the vectors of attention in “Sitting on Rail” put the focus on the background. With its overwhelming gray hues and framing, it sets the mood and context for the photograph. This is reflected in the children’s actions contrasting with the normal expectations. Through this appeal to logos, the photo makes many appeals to pathos to evoke sympathy in its audience. By feeling sympathy toward the children, or even generalizing to anyone in need of help, the viewers are moved to provide aid for these communities. It inspires charity towards any area containing poverty. In this situation, even a small impact can lead to a much larger one.
A second, more positive, accomplishment of sympathy towards the children in this photograph is to make the viewer feel appreciative. Viewing the
troubles someone else faces in their life often inspires one to feel grateful for the things they have. These two feelings are not separate from each other, often the work in tandem. The act of charity, leads to grateful, which inspires more charity, etc. This photograph has a sad, somber mood, yet it can move its viewers to sponsor a generous, positive world.
"Rural Poverty in Rwanda." Rural Poverty Portal. Internation Fund for Agricultural Development. Web. 02 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda - Poverty and Wealth." Encylopedia of the Nations. Avameg, Inc. Web. 2 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda: How the Genocide Happened." BBC News. BBC MMX, 18 Dec. 2008. Web. 17 Feb. 2010.
"Rwanda Profile." Worldpress.org. Web. 2 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda Weather and Climate." Travel Guides - World Travel Guide. Columbia Travel Media Ltd. Web. 02 Mar. 2010.
Deciding which paragraphs flowed from one to another was a struggle while writing this paper. It was difficult picking the topic that made the best sense to follow the previous paragraph. On top of that, I needed to work on making the transitions smoother. To do this I tried to tie my introduction sentence in a paragraph to the concluding sentence in the following paragraph. For example, the concluding sentence of the natural lighting paragraph is "In this sense, the natural lighting enhances the gray hues, and establishes a focus on the background.", and the introduction for the following paragraph says "This focus in enhanced by the vectors of attention." I did not have these sort of transitional sentences in my first paragraph, so it did not flow as well.
Within the body paragraphs I reread it many times making various grammatical adjustments. A key idea I added with in the argument was to explain how the feeling of sympathy was evoked. In my original draft I would simply say this evokes sympathy and leave it at that. Now I have added at least a sentence after these statements to explain why it is evoking sympathy and not another feeling.
My conclusion needed a lot of work. As I said before, the first conclusion was completely scraped when I changed my topic of context. But also my original conclusion did not answer the "so what?" aspect. So when I rewrote my conclusion I made sure to cover this, so my readers have something to take away from my paper. My original restating of the thesis, was one long confusing run on sentence. It said "The overwhelming gray hues, the use of natural lighting and vectors of attention focusing on the gray sky, the boys’ activity compared to expectations, the framing and cropping, displaying a relationship with the photograph and the reality, all in “Sitting on Rail”, plus the contradiction to the expectations of photographs with children, make appeals to pathos and logos." So in my final draft I tried to restate it more clearly. Not only did I want to sum up what I had said, but also show how it was all related.
This writing process, was exhausting and intense but helped me to look at my writing from every angle. Working with it, and then leaving it for a day or so, and coming back was very helpful. Without these peer-reviews though, I would not have been inclined to come back to it. It was nice having someone else give some advice and tell you where exactly you could improve your project. I know, thanks to the proces,s I am turning in a better final draft than my original.
Second Draft
First Draft
Statement of Purpose
Ninety percent of the Rwandan population lives on less than two U.S. dollars per day. Worse than that, fifty percent of the population lives on less than just one U.S. dollar per day (Encyclopedia of the Nations). In other words, Rwanda is a poor country. According to Worldpress.org statistics, seventy percent of the
population lived below the poverty line in Rwanda in 2000. To put this in perspective, according to the same site, in that year the population living below the poverty line in the United States was slightly under thirteen percent.As a result of the economy the health is an issue as well. The biggest killers in Rwanda are malaria and respiratory diseases, which in developed countries are rarely causes of death. The life expectancy in Rwanda in the year 2000 was thirty nine years. Compared to in the United States where the life expectancy that same year was seventy seven years, this is a tragically low statistic (Worldpress.org). The economy also affects the education available. Unfortunately, many of the teachers are not qualified and are mainly using poor teaching materials, resulting in a high dropout rate and a low literacy rate, reported by Encyclopedia of the Nations.
On top of the grim economy, the country struggles with a painful history and an outstanding rivalry. There is strong division and resulting conflict
between the Hutus and the Tutsis, two ethnic groups in Rwanda, which led to a tragic event in 1994. Eight hundred thousand Rwandans were killed in just one hundred days. The conflict is not ended and the wounds are fresh. They are still segregated and fighting today. This also strained the already bleak economy and left the land, needed for agriculture, damaged.The photograph "Sitting on Rail" was taken in 2001, at a time when Rwanda did not even have a sewage system and just five years after the genocide. The economy had improved from right after the genocide, but was still at an extreme low. "Sitting on Rail" displays the despair the children of Rwanda have lived with and the resulting loss of hope. The photograph appeals to pathos and logos, by means of coloration, lighting, vectors of attention, and framing to demonstrate this argument. It is not a plea for pity, but for sympathy and help.
Children are often associated with bright and vibrant hues. However, the hues in “Sitting on Rail” consist of a lot of gray. There is gray in the sky, the railing, the cement, and in some of the boys’ clothing. Even the water, which is often shown as blue or green, is gray in this scene. This creates an appeal to pathos for sympathy, because the hue of gray is often connected with sadness or despair. The gray hue makes the viewer feel as if the boys in the photo are experiencing this sadness or despair resulting in sympathy toward them. As an effect, the gray sky provokes a sad, somber feeling that sets the mood for the photograph. There are other hues, in the children’s clothing, like red and green, which are not linked with sadness, even linked with happy, positive feelings, but these hues are not very bright, they are dark and saturated. This results in them having no affect on the viewer’s attention, or changing the effects of the overwhelming gray hues.
The photograph uses natural lighting, which makes the photo look realistic, like it is ordinary and not posed, and reminds the viewer this is a reality for these children. It is another example of an appeal to pathos, to move the viewers to feel sympathy. It evokes sympathy because it demonstrates that the sadness and despair the gray hue relates to, is in fact the emotions that the boys are feeling. If it appeared to be staged at all it would not suggest a strong sense of sympathy in the viewer. The natural lighting also makes the boys and the pathway in the foreground look much darker than the sky and the water in the background, which develops the attention on the gray hues even more. In this sense, the natural lighting enhances the gray hues, and establishes a focus on the background.
This focus in enhanced by the vectors of attention. All the boys are facing away from the camera, making the vectors of attention toward the background. The vectors of attention also make an appeal to pathos, causing the viewer feel as if they are just an onlooker looking at the scene in the photo, not as if they are involved with it. It does not show the boys' faces or expressions, so the audience does not get to feel as if they understand the children or what they are thinking. This provokes sympathy instead of empathy. The sympathy is a result of the boys' posture. They are slumped on to the railing, or on their arms.
Especially in modernized civilizations, people are accustomed to seeing photographs of children at play, interacting with friends, or with a smile on their face. This photograph appeals to logos, using a strong contradiction to the expected. The boys in the pictures are not even interacting with each other. The children in this photograph are just staring; gazing off into the horizon, thinking or reflecting. This adds to the compassion the viewer feels for these kids and sorrow for the thoughts that burden their minds. Sad children are especially heart wrenching, because children are known for their innocence and the joy they can find in the smallest things. It is often a quality that others are envious of. When that quality is missing, one cannot help but to feel for its loss. This attitude mirrors the sad, somber mood of their surroundings.Their surroundings are not only gray but vast. Due to the framing of the picture, the sky and the railing look as if they go on for miles. This is because it is taken at an angle. The immense amount of gray in the unending sky mirrors the boys’ lives, including the grim circumstances in their past that also haunt their future. It is cropped to include multiple children who have all had the same experience. The child just walking in to the picture creates an idea that the number of children the situation in Rwanda affects is increasing. The framing of the picture, creating this idea and the unending sky, shows the lack of hope of the people experiencing the economic trouble in Rwanda.
Natural lighting and the vectors of attention in “Sitting on Rail” put the focus on the background. With its overwhelming gray hues and framing, it sets the mood and context for the photograph. This is reflected in the children’s actions contrasting with the normal expectations. Through this appeal to logos, the photo makes many appeals to pathos to evoke sympathy in its audience. By feeling sympathy toward the children, or even generalizing to anyone in need of help, the viewers are moved to provide aid for these communities. It inspires charity towards any area containing poverty. In this situation, even a small impact can lead to a much larger one.
A second, more positive, accomplishment of sympathy towards the children in this photograph is to make the viewer feel appreciative. Viewing the
troubles someone else faces in their life often inspires one to feel grateful for the things they have. These two feelings are not separate from each other, often the work in tandem. The act of charity, leads to grateful, which inspires more charity, etc. This photograph has a sad, somber mood, yet it can move its viewers to sponsor a generous, positive world.Work Cited
Bugingo, Immaculate. "Poverty Alleviation Programs in Rwanda." Rwanda Development Gateway. Web. 2 Mar. 2010."Rural Poverty in Rwanda." Rural Poverty Portal. Internation Fund for Agricultural Development. Web. 02 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda - Poverty and Wealth." Encylopedia of the Nations. Avameg, Inc. Web. 2 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda: How the Genocide Happened." BBC News. BBC MMX, 18 Dec. 2008. Web. 17 Feb. 2010.
"Rwanda Profile." Worldpress.org. Web. 2 Mar. 2010.
"Rwanda Weather and Climate." Travel Guides - World Travel Guide. Columbia Travel Media Ltd. Web. 02 Mar. 2010.
